How to Help Kids be Grateful not Entitled

It’s the Thanksgiving season and it’s the time of year when people start wondering “How can I get my kids to be more grateful and less entitled?” Or maybe you think that all the time. Regardless, let’s look at some tips for fostering gratitude instead of entitlement in our kids and teenagers (and even adult children).

Make your kids work for things

If you want your kids to be grateful, you need to have them work for things. If they are given everything and things come too easily for them, then they naturally won’t be grateful for what they have. This could mean giving them chores. This could mean having them participate in things that are not inherently “fun”. This could mean letting them struggle when something is hard.

When something is hard to attain, kids will feel grateful when they have finally accomplished a task or completed that goal. Remember, your goal as a parent is not to make your kids happy all the time. Your goal is to help them become strong so that they can deal with life’s challenges.

Be a good example of grateful living

Kids mimic what we do, not what we say. So if we are telling them “be grateful for what you have” and yet we are constantly complaining about the stuff we don’t have or the stuff that is not happening in our lives, then we are not being a good example of grateful living.

So how can we as parents be better at showing gratitude? We can thank our kids for the good things they do everyday. We can comment often about the things that are going well in our lives. We can compliment the neighbors instead of pointing out their flaws. We can compliment our spouses in front of our kids. We can talk gratefully about the weather and the sunset and all the abundance we see in our lives. All of these things can uplift us and give our kids a good example of what it looks like to live in gratitude daily.

Gratitude starts with your thoughts

Ultimately gratitude starts with our thoughts. If you are struggling to be grateful, take a close look at your thoughts. What thoughts are you thinking throughout the day? Take a moment to write them down periodically throughout your day. Then take a look at all the thoughts you wrote down at the end of the day. Are your thoughts mostly positive or negative? Look at the specific thoughts that are negative: is there any way you could tweak those thoughts to become more positive? Write down some positive thoughts that could replace your negative thoughts. These are redirect thoughts. When your mind goes to that negative thought again the next day, try to redirect it towards that positive thought you came up with the night before.

Here is an example of a typical list of thoughts:

1. I wonder what my boss thinks of me.
2. Why won’t be child just be better?
3. My husband is so lazy.
4. My kids don’t clean up after themselves.
5. I have to do everything around here.

And here is an example of some redirect thoughts for the above thoughts:

1. Whatever my boss thinks of me isn’t really my concern. I am thankful to have a job!
2. My children are learning. It takes time to develop good behavior. I’m thankful that I actually have a child!
3. My husband likes to relax. I need to take some time to relax too. I’m going to ask him to take over so that I can take 15 minutes to relax. I’m so thankful for my husband!
4. I can gently teach my kids to clean up after themselves. I’m so grateful that we have food to eat and toys to play with! I’m so grateful we have stuff to clean up!
5. I can set better boundaries with my husband and children so that I don’t have to do everything around here. I am thankful for books and blogs and advice on how to delegate and feel less stressed!

Obviously these are just examples. You have to find the redirect thoughts that work for you and that make you feel a sense of gratitude and happiness about life instead of negativity and misery.

Gratitude comes easily when we harness our thoughts and intentionally redirect them towards more grateful thoughts. Gratitude is a choice. It usually doesn’t come naturally, but it is something you can focus on in your life that will benefit both you and your children.