They say that it takes a village to raise a child, but a lot of people feel like it is hard to find that village these days. Here are some thoughts and tips for how to create your own village or community support group for your family:
- Try to stay in the same place for a long time
- Recruit people for different roles
- Make time to give to the people around you (don’t be too busy to connect with others and help others)
- Get to know people one person at a time
- Join a local church group
Stay in the same place
Creating a village or community takes a long time. It takes time to get to know people. It takes time to make connections and form friendships. So it helps if you stay in the same city or even the same neighborhood for a long time. I know that sometimes you have no choice, but if you can, try to stay in the same place for a long time.
A huge hindrance to this is the current housing market. It is incredibly hard for anyone to buy an affordable house. If you are renting then you have little control over when the owner will sell the place or ask you to move out. And if you do buy a house, people nowadays usually have to start out in a condo or apartment. Then they have to move to a bigger home. Gone are the days when people lived in the same house their entire lives. But just keep this tip in mind and do your best to stay in the same relative place if building a village is important to you.
Recruit people for different roles
A village has lots of different people that have different talents and all help one another. You can create a village by recruiting people for different roles that you need in your life. For example, in my village, I have my children’s teachers and my children’s friends. I have friends for my daughter and I have friends for my disabled son. I am part of a church community group, so I have all the people in that group. At the moment I teach the 3-5 years olds at our church. Someone else teaches my daughter’s class (6-7 years olds) and someone else was called to help out with my 9 year old nonverbal son. We all work together to support each other’s needs.
Other vital roles in my personal village include: someone to talk to about research and marriage and family theories, someone to go on walks with, someone to watch our kids when we go on dates, and someone to befriend my husband. Then I also think about my immediate neighbors and what roles they play in my life. At the moment, I am so thankful for my immediate neighbors for being the kind of chill people who don’t get uptight about living next to a nonverbal child who throws things over their fences just for fun.
So think about all the people in your current village. What roles do they play? What roles still need to be filled? How could you meet more people to help out in your village?
Make time to give
If you are so busy that you don’t have time to connect with the people around you and support them in their needs, then it will be very hard for you to create a village. You need rest. You need time to talk with your neighbors. You need to have enough flexible time that if your friend called you and said “I need some help right now”, you could drop everything and give it to them.
Being busy is not a strength when it comes to building a village. Being too busy distracts you from the needs of those around you.
So think about how busy you are. Do you have time to serve those around you? Do you have time to think about the needs of your neighbors? If not, how could you make more time? What could you stop doing so that you can have more time to serve the people around you?
Get to know people one person at a time
Building your village happens one person and one connection at a time. It is hard work. It is SLOW work. But it is the most beneficial and rewarding work that you can do!
Building a village one person at a time might look like having someone over for dinner. There is something amazing that happens when someone comes over for dinner. They truly get to know who you are: how you decorate your house, what stuff you have (often showing what you value and prioritize), and how you live your life in your space. Having someone over for dinner is intimate. I feel like you walk away truly remembering that person.
But you can’t have everyone over for dinner at the same time and get the same effect. Getting to know people one by one is crucial for building your village. Think about the people around you: who could you invite over for dinner or dessert in the next month?
Join a Local Church Group
Church groups can be a great way to get to know the people in your area. Ask your immediate neighbors what church they go to. You don’t have to be very religious to be a part of a local church group. A lot of times these church groups will have a lot of activities that you can go to that aren’t super religious or preachy. My church group has monthly women’s activities, weekly teen activities, and monthly children’s activities. These can be great places to get to know the people in your area.
My Story of building a Village
I have been trying to build a village to support my family for about 10 years now. And I would say that I am having great success – though it came very slowly and with a lot of hard work. My little family moved to a different part of our town about 2 years ago. And I absolutely love it here. My neighbors are nice and very friendly. They don’t get upset about my nonspeaking autistic boy stimming loudly or wandering into their yards occasionally. I go to the local church group and I meet a lot of my neighbors there. My daughter takes the bus to school and I met a lot of the neighborhood kids and parents at the bus stop. My neighbor broke her leg and started inviting me and another neighbor over to craft with her while she was stuck in the house. I feel like I know my neighbors well enough now that we take care of one another and know about each other’s problems and concerns. It feels nice. It feels like home.
But the neighborhood I lived in before this one felt a lot less cohesive. I lived there for 6 years. And I had a lot of friends/acquaintances. I just felt like I didn’t do that much with them. I would organize monthly mom dinners and I tried to get to know people. And I do have two close friends from that neighborhood still. But as a whole, I felt a lot more lonely there. So my story is one of success but also failure at first. It can take some time to find the people that want and need you as much as you need them.
Conclusion
Building a village takes a lot of time and effort but it is so rewarding! Keep looking for new ways to make connections and friendships. Try to think positively about your neighbors and do nice things for them. All the love will eventually come back to you!
No Comments