You are dating someone. You think maybe this could be true love. But what is true love anyway? And how do you know if you have it?
In my opinion, true love is a decision. It is a decision to love someone FOREVER. Even if they change and go through a really annoying spout. Even if they get paralyzed from the waist down. Even if they suffer a brain injury and their personality changes (whew, that would be REALLY REALLY tough. It happened to one of my marriage professors). Through all the good and the bad things that can happen to you and them, you have decided to stay with them and continue loving them. That is true love.
According to this definition, true love is intense. It’s a lifetime commitment. Now, do I think that some people should get divorced? Certainly. There are some situations where it is best that you get divorced. Especially if the relationship is physically or emotionally destructive to the person’s wellbeing and sense of humanity (Oaks, 2007). But I think that those cases are more rare than common.
True love is unselfish
True love doesn’t ask “what’s in this for me?” It asks: “what can I do for the other person?” On that note, you shouldn’t marry someone if you think they will take really good care of you. You marry them because you want to take good care of them. You can take care of yourself. You can make yourself happy. If you don’t know how to do that yet, read some of my other blog articles. You marry this person because you want to give, not receive.
True love is unconditional
I think true love is unconditional. It means you love them no matter what happens. Kind of like how people love their kids no matter what they do. Does unconditional love mean that you give them everything they want? No, definitely not. True love means that you give them what they need. With kids, that sometimes means you let them learn things the hard way and stop enabling them. I think it can be similar with a spouse. True love means that you love them unconditionally, but it doesn’t mean that you let them beat up on you. You can still love them and set boundaries to stop enabling them to have bad behavior.
True love is boring
True love is the day to day things you do for someone else to make their life better. It is dishes and sick kids and broken arms and paying the rent or mortgage. True love is getting up in the middle of the night to help one of the kids or babies so that your spouse can sleep. True love is doing hard, boring things. Mundane things. But things that need to get done. In essence, true love can be kind of boring. It isn’t showy. It isn’t super exciting. But it’s the tough hard glue that keeps healthy families functioning.
What is not true love?
True love is not physical attraction. Attraction is great and I think you should have it in a relationship, but just attraction isn’t enough to be true love. If you are attracted to a person, but don’t really enjoy talking to them, that should be a red flag.
True love is also not the excitement of having someone love you. Having someone adore you is the best feeling in the world. But that feeling is not true love. It is more of a selfish infatuation with yourself.
True love is also not the confidence boost you get when you tell other people that you are dating this certain person. That is also a form of self infatuation.
Conclusion
True love is caring about the other person more than yourself. And even being willing to give up the other person if that is the best thing for them.
True love is commitment. It is about loving in the good times and the bad. The dark and the light. The sorrow and the joy. If you want to know if someone is capable of true love, look at how they honor other commitments in their life. Are they flaky and have an excuse for everything? Or are they humble and committed to seeing things through even when things are not going well? That is the type of person who will love you forever.
What do you think true love is? Leave a comment below.
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