When you experience multiple rejections and/or dating isn’t going how you would like it to, it can be super hard to keep yourself motivated to keep trying.
Here are a few tips on how to stay motivated to keep dating.
Analyze your thoughts about dating
First, you need to take a good look at all of your thoughts about dating. Write them all down. Put them in the self coaching model and see what they are creating for you. Thoughts like “There is no one to date” might seem like a fact to you, but it’s not. It’s just a thought. And what does that thought create for you? It probably makes you want to sit at home, watch Netflix, and eat junk food instead of putting yourself out there to try and meet new people and develop friendships.
Be very careful about everything you think. Thoughts are things. Thoughts create all the results in your life. So be very careful about which thoughts you are going to think.
The Self Coaching Model looks like this:
Here is another way to think about it:
- T: Thoughts (create our feelings).
- F: Feelings (our thought and feeling combination drives most of our actions)
- A: Actions (create your results).
- R: Results
Let’s take a look at some common thoughts about dating.
“This is hard.”
“There is no one to date.”
Let’s examine one of these in the self-coaching model.
T: “There is no one to date”
A: stay at home, don’t try to meet people, when you do meet people you act sad
R: There is really is no one to date because you aren’t even trying.
After a rejection, it is easy to think “There must be something wrong with me.” and “I will never find someone who will like me for who I am.” What if that isn’t true? What if there is nothing wrong with you?
What are some thoughts that motivate you to keep dating? What feeling do you need to have to actually want to date?
Maybe you want a feeling of peace or confidence. What do you need to think in order to feel this way about dating?
Maybe you could think “Things will work out exactly how they should.”
“I am a very lovable person.” (Then you could start working on loving yourself more).
“I can’t wait to meet interesting people that I will learn from.”
“I wonder who needs a friend today?”
“Dating may be hard but is can also be fun.”
“That rejection meant nothing about me. What that person thinks of me says nothing about me and everything about them and how they view the world.”
See how thinking something different could motivate you to act differently? Try to intentionally think things that will keep you motivated to keep dating (if that is your goal.)
Good luck my friend!