I know a lot of amazing women. They are smart, hard-working, and beautiful. But a lot of them have a hard time with men. I want to speak to them today. How do you attract a good man into your life that will respect you and love you for the long haul? Here are a few tips and thoughts:

1. Let him be the hero
2. Look for a man that has made religious commitments
3. Expect your man to act like a man
4. Learn from your man

Let him be the hero

Most of the amazing women I know like to be quite independent. They don’t want to rely on anyone else for anything. They don’t want to be vulnerable. But if you want to have a good man in your life, he needs to have a purpose. What can he do for you? In what ways can he be your hero? Think on that. He needs a dragon to fight.

Be happy and content so that your man feels like he is doing a good job

There is nothing that makes a man more miserable than to feel like he can never make his woman happy. If you are never happy or satisfied, he will feel more and more depressed and defeated. 

And guess what? It’s YOUR job to make yourself happy. I know you want to say “Well, if he would only listen to me more or do the dishes more or be less lazy and selfish…then I’d be happy.” Remember, you control your thoughts and emotions. So you can learn to be happy without outside circumstances like him changing (see the article on The Self Coaching Model).

I like to ask myself instead of “How can I get this person to change?”, I ask “If this person is always going to act like this, how am I going to respond? How am I going to take care of myself?” Asking the right questions can get your brain thinking in a more productive manner. 

Look for a man that has made religious commitments

I know God isn’t too popular these days, but a truly God-fearing man is usually a good man. Men that have made covenants or commitments to God are used to making really long-term commitments and keeping them. So in other words, a man that is good at keeping his commitments to God is more likely to keep his commitments to you. And I’m talking big commitments like fidelity and chastity. 

And God-fearing men (if they go to church regularly and read their scriptures daily) tend to become more and more Christ-like over time. They become more patient, more kind, more loving, and more long-suffering. All things that we women want in a man, right? So that’s why I suggest you try to find a God-fearing man. One that takes his religion seriously and is dedicated to living a Christ-like life. Those are the really good men to be married to. 

Expect your man to act like a man

What do I mean by this? A lot of women expect a good man to think just like a successful woman thinks. They want them to look around the room and see jobs that need to be done. They want them to talk about their emotions and feelings. They want them to always be doing things and getting stuff done (because that is what these successful women do). But men don’t do those things. They don’t look around the room and see chores. They usually sit down on the couch and relax, totally oblivious to the chores and mess around them. They don’t usually want to talk about emotions. When men get together, they don’t have emotional, deep conversations about their feelings. If they talk at all, it’s about sports or hunting, etc. And most men don’t want to always be doing things and crossing stuff off their list. Most men are very good at relaxing and not doing the things on the list.

And that’s okay. It’s okay that your man doesn’t act just like you. Guess what? He is probably a lot less stressed and uptight. Which leads perfectly into my next thought: 

Learn from your man

So I think that most women could learn from men instead of trying to “fix” them. Learn how to take it easy. Learn how to relax and not be so stressed all the time. Learn how to not care about what other people think about you (for example, learn how to not care if other people see your house dirty). I mean what are you afraid of really? Are you afraid of not looking perfect all the time? Relax. Most people will actually like you better if you show some of your many weaknesses.

Learn from your man how to NOT be dramatic and take offense. Most men are great at shrugging things off and not making a big deal out of it. I personally love to work with men because they are not easily offended. When I work with a bunch of women I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. They are all saying “She said this…does she really mean that? or did she mean this?” whereas with men, they say exactly what they mean. There is no beating around the bush or hinting. Of course, this is overgeneralizing. There are definitely some stressed out, dramatic men and some women who are not easily offended. But I think these thoughts apply to the majority.

Conclusion

Overall, rejoice in the differences between yourself and your man. Learn from him and both of you can become more moderate. You can compliment each other in your strengths and weaknesses. Try to find a religious man who will keep his commitments to you. And for more tips on how to love men the way they are, see “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” article.