Challenge your unconscious assumptions in Dating

One of the greatest things you need to know about dating is how your mind can affect what you are seeing in another person. For most people, if a person is tall and attractive, they automatically assume that this person also has many other personal characteristics that they are seeking. But this is a mistake. In dating, you shouldn’t assume anything. You need to meticulously collect all the facts and observe that person carefully.

This happens in business all the time. Those that are tall and handsome are perceived as smarter, more capable, and more likely to boost the company. Research has documented this phenomenon (1).

The Warren Harding Error

This phenomenon is explicitly discussed in Malcom Gladwell’s book, Blink: the Power of Thinking without Thinking (2). The world in general falls for tall, dark, handsome men thinking unconsciously that they are more than they really are. Gladwell refers to this as “The Warren Harding Error”. Warren Harding was a tall, dark, beautiful man that became the 29th president of the United States (1921-1923). People assumed by his appearance that he was intelligent, honest, and talented. This was far from the truth. Many historians actually refer to him as one of the worst presidents in history (3)(4).

But how does this affect your dating? Well, you need to realize that you are probably assuming A LOT about a person you like or are interested in. So before you get real committed, you need to first challenge all of your unconscious assumptions about this person.

Challenging your assumptions

For example, let’s say your ideal includes someone who is hard-working, kind, and unselfish. These are the three main traits you are looking for. Are you assuming that the person you are dating has these traits just because you like them? Or have you actually seen evidence of these traits in that person?

It is also a good idea to challenge what people say about themselves. You need to see if their tongue matches their deeds. They may say that they are hardworking, but do you see actual evidence of that?

The general principle here is to challenge any assumptions you may be making about people and take a long time to get to know someone, observing them in all sorts of situations. Hopefully this is some Sage Relationship Advice for your dating life. Subscribe at the bottom of the page and come back soon for more!

References:

(1) Wang, A. (2009). Physical Attractiveness and its Effects on Social Treatment and Inequality. Available at SSRN: https://ssrn.com/abstract=1518099 or http://dx.doi.org/10.2139/ssrn.1518099

(2) Gladwell, Malcolm (2007). Blink. Back Bay Books. ISBN 978-0-316-01066-5.

(3) Payne, P. (2009). Dead Last: the Public Memory of Warren G Harding’s Scandalous Legacy. Athens, Ohio: Ohio University Press.

(4) Tolson, J. (2007). Worst Presidents: Warren Harding (1921-1923), US News. Retrieved at: https://www.usnews.com/news/special-reports/the-worst-presidents/articles/2014/12/17/worst-presidents-warren-harding-1921-1923