Summary of “How to Win Friends and Influence People”

Dale Carnegie’s “How to win friends and influence people” is one of the greatest books of all time about how to deal with people. The title could also be “How to have a great marriage” or “How to succeed in business” or even “How to feel better”. It has some timeless principles that will help all areas of your relationships. Even your relationships with your in-laws. 🙂

I will give a summary here, but I definitely recommend that you buy the book. It’s probably pretty cheap on Amazon. The author gives lots of great stories to illustrate these principles.

Main Points

The book is organized into these main areas:

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People:

1. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

it is crucial that you never criticize other people. Criticism only makes them hate you. You won’t be able to influence them at all if you criticize. Instead of criticizing, look for something to sincerely compliment them on. People remember compliments long after you have forgotten giving it. We all love to be complimented. Compliments are the way to a person’s heart and loyalty. But these compliments have to be sincere.

Six ways to make people like you:

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile
3. Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

People like someone who listens to them. This is because everyone likes to talk about themselves! If you become truly interested in a person, they will like you.

How to win people to your way of thinking:

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try to honestly see things from the other person’s point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

How to be a Leader: How to Change People without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

A leader’s job often includes trying to change your people’s attitudes and behaviors. Here are some suggestions of how to do that.

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.